Well as you may or may not know. Just before I was diagnosed, I was starting up a photography business. With all my treatment I had to put everything on hold.
Now the intense treatments are over my thoughts have moved onto my business again. The timing couldn’t have been better as the place I began doing event photography in the New Year was advertising again. I was a little apprehensive but I thought I’d put myself forward. It turns out they were happy to have me back & had only not been in touch with me as I had been ill.
So here I am, getting ready to leave (starting at 9:30pm) & I’m beginning to feel a little nervous & wondering if it is the right time. I’m feeling a little torn, part of me just wants to move on & get back to some sort of normality & the other part of me is worried that it might be too soon.
I guess there is only one way to find out & I’ll let you know how I get on to tomorrow.
I feel like bursting into a Celine Dion song today.
To my amazement, my hair, eyebrows & eyelashes are all growing back. I can even wear mascara again.
As I’m sure you will remember I was trying out FAST shampoo & conditioner to see if it would help my hair grow back a little quicker. Well it’s been 6 weeks since I started using it & 4 weeks since I posted some photos so I thought I’d show you how my hair looks now & I’ll let you be the judge 😃
Well it turns out after 48hrs on Penicillin, I didn’t have tonsillitis, I had sinusitis. This also meant new drugs. The doctor did try to sympathise with me and my situation so instead of just antibiotics, I was given steroids as well to help perk me up & encourage me to eat something.
So off I went for my second trip to the chemists this week to collect my latest prescription. I got in and was greeted by the pharmacist
“You know how much I love my prescriptions” I replied
I handed in my form and began the lovely wait for my drugs. I then got
“I saw your other prescription, it should be ready in 8-10 days”
“Great!” I replied with a grimace (c’mon what else was I going to say?)
The cashier just couldn’t help herself though “Another prescription?”
“Yes, just for my compression sleeves” Oh yes, Lymphedema has decided to join the party (evidently my left arm felt it wasn’t getting enough attention)
So I get my new drugs and head off. I am currently taking 14 tablets a day, that’s not including any co-codemol that I might need to take if my hips hurt.
So if anyone is in need, I’ve got plenty 😊
(Sadly in this day & age I suppose I’d better add a disclaimer before everyone freaks out. I am NOT really offering out my drugs. You can bugger off! I’ve spent hours in waiting rooms & chemists, I don’t plan doing it again for at least a month)
Today was the day I thought wouldn’t have come until after Christmas. I was speechless when I heard the news of Lynda Bellingham’s passing. All I could think of was the fact that she wanted one last Christmas with her family. My thoughts then went on to how cancer is such a selfish illness. It doesn’t care about who you are, your age or even your last wishes.
And although I had the best news on Friday, I know that my time will come & I, myself, might not have fulfilled all of my dreams.
As I have been travelling a lot over the weekend, I have had plenty of chance to read Lynda Bellingham’s book. It is a brilliant read & I feel as though I can hear her reading it. However, throughout the book you read about the pain she suffers from even in the early days. It also shows you how she was a consummate professional, she never seemed to complain about it & just seemed to get on with it.
My thoughts are with her family & I hope they find comfort in the fact that she has brought comfort, joy & laughter to so many people.
I try my best to stay positive, however, it can be difficult at times. I am still recovering from the radiotherapy & I am having side effects from the tamoxifen. This in itself is exhausting, however I have not been well over the weekend & have been told I have tonsillitis. So I have more tablets to take however I am grateful for the fact that I can fight another day & all the medication I am taking is working.
Today I had appointment with my oncologist to get the results of my MRI scan. I was hoping she would tell me that the spread had been controlled or at very best it had shrunk.
She told me neither. The radiographer’s report said that there had been a “dramatic” improvement. Not some or a little, a dramatic improvement. My oncologist also seemed pleasantly surprised too. This means that all the crappy days & hospital visits were worth it.
So sorry to be a bit naughty but this evening I raised a glass of Rosé & said “Fuck you Cancer!”
I always said that Cancer was messing with the wrong girl 😜
One of the apps on my phone is Timehop. I love looking back over the years & mostly it is about my children. Yesterday, however, it brought up a photo of me from 7 years ago. I’ll be the first to admit I really liked the photo (not a normal occurrence) so I happily shared it, commenting on how slim I was & about my hair. Little did I realise how much I’d changed & the more I thought about it, the worse I felt.
Seven years ago I was 23 years old, I’d just started a relationship with my now husband, I was a size 8 & I had lovely long hair. Fast forward to today & I’m now a size 12, my hair has gone & I have very little energy to do things. I feel awful. The worse part is I don’t feel like the person my hubby fell in love with.
I decided to talk about it with my hubby. With tears in my eyes, I told him how I felt after seeing this photo. His response was lovely. He told me about how much we had both changed during our time together & the only way his feelings for me had changed was that they had become stronger. He then reconfirmed what a Facebook friend had said earlier, that I’d finished the horrible treatment & that my hair is already starting to come back & when I have more energy, I can exercise more & lose the weight if I want.
It’s funny how one photo can stir so many emotions, both good & bad. I’m just glad, looking back, the one thing has stayed the same throughout the past 7 years, my wonderful hubby
So this morning I had my last radiotherapy. I’d like to say something along the lines like I’ll miss the staff & my daily trips to the hospital but I’m exhausted. My skin is red raw from the treatment & I’m so tired & disoriented. I would love to have a relaxing morning & try to sleep it off, however I have healthcare at home coming round between 11 & 12 to give me my regular Herceptin & Pertuzumab. This will be the first time I have had it at home & because of observation times, the nurse will be with me for about 3 hours.
Sorry to sound like a moan. I’m glad it is all done with & it also means that my intense treatments are done now but it takes a lot out of you