Food for Thought

When you usually see cancer, it is in adverts or leaflets. It is censored and made to look comfortable for its viewers. The article below is about a series of images that depict real people living with very real cancer. So are funny and some aren’t but this is the reality. I’ve even included one of my old photos to this post

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-36461223

New Starts

Over the past week I have been feeling a little down, maybe it’s just the time of year, however after Boxing Day I have started to feel a lot better.

I am now looking forward to the new year and planning plenty of things to do with family and friends. At the start of 2014, I thought this was the year that things were going to happen i.e. I was going to build up my business, I wanted to do a lot of things with my family and all this was put on hold when I was diagnosed. Back then I felt so lost and had no idea what the future held for me. Nearly a year on, I’m still a little unsure but I’m going to get on regardless.

Although 2014 was pretty rubbish (my diagnosis has put a bit of a black cloud over things) there has been so many great things have happened too, such as

  • Meeting the Backstreet Boys (Sorry I’m going to keep going on about that for some time still)
  • reconnecting with old friends and made lots more
  • completed the Race for Life and the Midnight Walk for Katharine House Hospice
  • I’ve completed 2 modules towards my degree
  • been on some lovely trips away with my family
  • Raised lots of money for charity
  • had a few interesting adventures

A nice kinda lunch

Today was kind of a day off the treatment as the machine was having a service so I thought I’d plan a catch up lunch with a friend and a few other bits and bobs.

To start the day off I thought I’d wear a new dress I’d been looking forward to wearing. All was going well until I looked in the window and saw I looked like Sinead O’Connor (I’ve got nothing against her but I don’t think the look suits me). That was a little upsetting, I just wish I had my long hair back. It doesn’t help either when you are feeling exhausted and poorly.

I dropped my children off at nursery and headed home to spend some time with my dog before heading into town to buy Lynda Bellingham’s new book and have lunch. When I met my friend, as usual it took us ages to look at the menu as we were too busy talking. I had my usual a nice healthy salad with a lemon meringue to balance it out (hehe). We had some brilliant conversations and giggles, most of it was the kind of “had to be there” to get it but I had a great time. It was nice to be able to forget everything I’m feeling at the moment and just let loose. The only problem was it never seems long enough.

After that it was back to it, sadly being a mum as well as a cancer patient means life never stops. You never have time to wallow in self-pity or sleep for hours on end. But I guess it has helped me to stay so positive, watching my two children (even though they can be little tinkers at times) makes me want to fight so I can carry on watching them for as long as I can. Nothing can brighten your day like your child giving you a cuddle or telling you they love you. Things have been difficult for both of them, my little girl especially, as they are both too young to understand what is happening to Mummy.

Well this evening my plan is to do a little bit of coursework, settle down with some chocolate and start my new book.

Apparently, I’m completely mad!

So today, in a break with tradition, I went on my first study visit for my photography degree. It’s fair to say that the past 2 days haven’t been my best. I’ve been suffereing the side effects from my filgrastin injections (they simulate bone marrow to produce white blood cells) and I could have slept for England but I was determined to go.

I found it pretty easy getting there and finding the meeting place and was enjoying meeting fellow students (this was the first time even though I have been with the OCA for 2 years). It was when we started to walk around and chat to people that I got the “looks”. One lady asked if I had gone through the same as her, which I said yes and she asked when I had finished my chemo. I explained that I had one to go and my last was on Tuesday, to say she was surprised is a bit of an overstatement. She couldn’t believe that I was able to pull myself together enough to come. I just shrugged it off and said that I had been looking forward to coming. She seemed impressed and we continued on.

Later, the discussion of what modules we were doing came up. Most were doing photography modules and had spent the last year completing one. It was then my turn, again I just made a passing comment that I was doing 2 modules and again jaws dropped. How the hell do you do that? Isn’t it stressful? Again, I just shrugged it off, I’m so used to doing both it never crossed my mind that it was a lot. 

It was at lunch that everyone came to the conclusion that I was completely mad. We were discussing families (majority had older children) and then I was asked. I was honest, I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. “Bloody hell!” was the response. 

Once the day was over and I was sitting on the train home, I started to think about and it suddenly dawned on me how much I did have on. It had never occurred to me, it was just day to day life. I must admit, I like to keep busy and just take each day as it comes. It did occur to me to perhaps slow down a little but I’m happy as I am.