Speechless

Today was the day I thought wouldn’t have come until after Christmas. I was speechless when I heard the news of Lynda Bellingham’s passing. All I could think of was the fact that she wanted one last Christmas with her family. My thoughts then went on to how cancer is such a selfish illness. It doesn’t care about who you are, your age or even your last wishes.

And although I had the best news on Friday, I know that my time will come & I, myself, might not have fulfilled all of my dreams.

As I have been travelling a lot over the weekend, I have had plenty of chance to read Lynda Bellingham’s book. It is a brilliant read & I feel as though I can hear her reading it. However, throughout the book you read about the pain she suffers from even in the early days. It also shows you how she was a consummate professional, she never seemed to complain about it & just seemed to get on with it.

My thoughts are with her family & I hope they find comfort in the fact that she has brought comfort, joy & laughter to so many people.

I try my best to stay positive, however, it can be difficult at times. I am still recovering from the radiotherapy & I am having side effects from the tamoxifen. This in itself is exhausting, however I have not been well over the weekend & have been told I have tonsillitis. So I have more tablets to take however I am grateful for the fact that I can fight another day & all the medication I am taking is working.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-29685903

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A nice kinda lunch

Today was kind of a day off the treatment as the machine was having a service so I thought I’d plan a catch up lunch with a friend and a few other bits and bobs.

To start the day off I thought I’d wear a new dress I’d been looking forward to wearing. All was going well until I looked in the window and saw I looked like Sinead O’Connor (I’ve got nothing against her but I don’t think the look suits me). That was a little upsetting, I just wish I had my long hair back. It doesn’t help either when you are feeling exhausted and poorly.

I dropped my children off at nursery and headed home to spend some time with my dog before heading into town to buy Lynda Bellingham’s new book and have lunch. When I met my friend, as usual it took us ages to look at the menu as we were too busy talking. I had my usual a nice healthy salad with a lemon meringue¬†to balance it out (hehe). We had some brilliant conversations and giggles, most of it was the kind of “had to be there” to get it but I had a great time. It was nice to be able to forget everything I’m feeling at the moment and just let loose. The only problem was it never seems long enough.

After that it was back to it, sadly being a mum as well as a cancer patient means life never stops. You never have time to wallow in self-pity or sleep for hours on end. But I guess it has helped me to stay so positive, watching my two children (even though they can be little tinkers at times) makes me want to fight so I can carry on watching them for as long as I can. Nothing can brighten your day like your child giving you a cuddle or telling you they love you. Things have been difficult for both of them, my little girl especially, as they are both too young to understand what is happening to Mummy.

Well this evening my plan is to do a little bit of coursework, settle down with some chocolate and start my new book.

An open letter to Lynda Bellingham

While looking at BBC news this morning I came across this article about Lynda Bellingham. Lynda was diagnosed with colon cancer in July 2013 which has now spread to her lungs and liver. She has now made the decision to stop treatment in November.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-29400261

I think this is a very courageous decision, as I for one am only too aware of the, sometimes, horrendous side effects treatment can have on you. Although my diagnosis is nowhere near as bad as Lynda’s, I can completely empathise with her situation. Why would anyone want to live out their last days being subjected to treatment that weakens you so much?

Although I have only had chemotherapy for a short period of time (6 sessions over 4 months) I suffered terribly and was admitted into hospital 3 times. I also feel I missed so much time with my husband and 2 young children.

I have vague memories of Lynda in the Oxo adverts but remember how much I enjoyed watching her on loose women. Lynda is such an inspirational and brave woman. As I said before, her decision is very courageous and it could not have been an easy one. However, I wish her all the best and I hope that she will be able to enjoy her last days with her family and at least be able to put this awful illness to the back of her mind.